So many good things happened this year:
- I turned 18 (yay legal adult!)
- I graduated (woohoo freedom!)
- Got a full time job (MONEY!)
But not only on the surface, but also on the spiritual side of things:
- I rededicated my life to Christ
- I began to read my Bible more
- purchase a Bible
- Formed a friend group that is my biggest supporters (Love y'all!)
Now sadly, onto the worst things:
- I had my lowest point in life
- I fell from Christ harder than I ever had
- Hated Christianity
- Had an anxiety attack
- Got really bad anxiety
- The list goes on and on...
But, now I have some good news.
During 2015 I suffered through so many things. Recently I went back and read a post that started off with "My name is Kennedy. I have problems. I am broken. I need God." then, the post continued saying everything on my mind. People told me that they worried about me I couldn't understand how until, I went back and reread that post. I would be worried about myself.
About 8 months later I wrote an update post. While I was saved from so much at that time I still was struggling with anxiety and feelings of loneliness. It got to a point I hated going out in public because I always thought that people were judging me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It felt hard being friends with people because no matter how much they told me they loved and cared about me; I didn't believe them.
I can gladly and proudly say I am happier than I have been in a long time. I don't have the same kind of thoughts like I did. I feel like I can breathe again. Be at peace in my life. I am smiling for no reason and I can feel God around me. "What got you to this point?" you might ask... Well, New Years weekend was an anxious, frustrating, amazing, Godly, life changing weekend. (STORY TIME!)
The company I work for had a party out of town Friday and we stayed over until Saturday. Well, Friday night I was in my hotel room by myself, and I got on Skype and video chatted with my friends. Well, I felt really anxious afterwards. After the call I was laying in bed, and I wrote on a piece of paper "2016 is the year I will do something great!!"
Well, Saturday I drove home where I was home alone all night, and neither one of my friends were answering their phones so I turned on Netflix to keep myself from having a mental breakdown or an anxiety attack. Well, after some time I felt like I should turn off the TV and put on Christian music; so I did. Then, I sat there and I could hear my friend telling me to talk to God like you would a dad. So, I did... and then I felt like I should go get my Bible that I bought a couple weeks ago, and never opened.
I got my Bible and sat there, and said, "OK God what do you want me to read?" He told me 1 Peter 5:7 I was said, "God I know that verse, 'cast all anxiety onto Him because He cares.'" He told me to keep reading. So, I did and I came across verse 9 and when I did I lost it because it said, "Resist him, Firm in your faith, knowing that same kind of sufferings are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." Well, at this point I start losing it and couldn't stop crying.
Then, I looked at the previous page where I came across 1 Peter 3:12 which says,"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer." Again, I lose it, and all I could say was, "Thank you God!" I had just told God that I was feeling lonely and like the devil was attacking me.
The next morning I was at church, and I found out that my pastor was speaking on hearing God's voice. And every year my pastor asks God for a word for the year. This year, it was GREATER. And he read this verse John 14:12, which says "...those who believe in me will do greater works..." During the message he told us how we can hear God's voice (I will do an entire post about this), but one of the ways is through a familiar voice.
That previous night I could hear my friend tell me to talk to God like you would a father. I now know that it was God who was telling me to talk to Him. I am still in awe of everything this weekend. I was afraid that I was going to go back to the way I was a year ago, but I can gladly say that it will never happen because I am stronger than I ever have been.
There will be trails in your life, but it is during those trials that God forms you. There was a story about a woman and her mother. The mother grabbed 3 pots and put water in all of them, and brought to a boil. In one pot she put an egg, the other a carrot, and in the last pot she put some coffee grounds. After a while the mother took the egg out of the water, and asked her daughter what happened to it the daughter said, "It turned hard." Then, the mother took the carrot out a showed it to her daughter, the daughter said, "It is soft." Then, the mother told the daughter to try the water in the third pot, and the mother asked the daughter what happened to the water the daughter said, "It changed the water."
During trials in our lives we get put in boiling water, it is up to us how we react. Are you going to turn hard, soft, or are you going to change the situation, and area around you. God puts you in those trials for a reason, these are the moments that you need to turn to Him more than ever because that is when you are at your weakest. Don't let the devil get to you. You listen to God. He will be there.
Now, you see how 2015 has been the best and worst year of my life. I am more than ever ready for 2016. I know I am going to do something great for God! I can't wait to see what it is! 2016 here I come!!