Tell me things that upset me
That make me want to cry
The Monster on my shoulder likes to whisper in my ear
Whisper that no one loves me
And no one cares
The Monster on my shoulder likes to hurt my heart
Tell me that I have no friends
That I am lonely
The Monster on my shoulder likes to yell
Likes to be the loudest voice
The only one I hear
The Monster on my shoulder likes to cause me pain
Make me cause myself pain
To hide it’s voice
The Monster on my shoulder likes to be an evil voice
A mean voice
A scary voice
The Monster on my shoulder likes to ruin my life
Likes to watch me push people away
Cause I think they don’t care
The Monster on my shoulder wants me to be no more
Wants to see me go
Wants to see me end
The Monster on my shoulder think I am too weak
But I am not
I am strong
The Monster on my shoulder is small
I am bigger
I am stronger
The Monster on my shoulder is nothing important
For I know something greater
Something powerful
The Monster on my shoulder has no power
For I know who has the power
Can control it all
The Monster on my shoulder doesn’t have control
For I am a child
A child of the King
The Monster on my shoulder is no longer there
I am too strong
It was too weak
The Monster on my shoulder ran
Far Away
Never to be seen again
The Monster on my shoulder tries to come around
But I squish it
Like the little pest it is
The Monster on my shoulder tried to ruin my life
But it failed
Once again
The Monster on my shoulder is gone
Forever
And Ever
The Monster on my shoulder never let me be at peace
But now I can breathe
And be happy again
For the Monster on my shoulder once was a pest but now is squashed by the love and peace of God.
I decided to refer to my anxiety as the monster on my shoulder because when I picture anxiety I picture is as this little monster that tries to ruin my life everyday. It wants to me feel worthless and unloved. Tell me that my friends who care deeply about me, that they don't care at all. It tries to make me push them away.
Here's the thing my anxiety is the devil talking to me. Telling me that no one cares. That my "friends" just pity me. I am burden on the world and should just go. He likes to try to get me to push my friends away so that way I won't have people telling me how much they care about me so that way, it is easier to make me feel worthless.
I had an anxiety attack a few months ago and ever since then, I have been in this funk. I constantly feel like I don't want to exists anymore. That I don't want to be anywhere. Just to be gone. I feel similar to the way I felt a year ago. The difference is this time I am stronger in my faith with God. I know that the devil knows I am doing something great for God so, the devil tries to tear me down in order for me to not feel like doing it.
I have to remind myself that the reason I feel the way I feel is because the devil wants me to, and here is the thing, I don't want to feel or do anything the devil wants me to do. So, now I know to trust God because the weaker the devil tries to make me feel the more I know that I am doing something even greater for God.
I am someone important. I will do great things. I will do God's will. I will trust Him. I will keep my friends close because they keep me strong and smiling when I am down. They are my family.
For those of you struggling with anything just know that if the devil is tempting you, just know that means you are doing God's will or you will do something great for God. The devil knows how special you are, and he wants to destroy you, but you have to stay strong and trust God. Trusting God is not easy, but the reward is amazing in the end.
If you are struggling I recommend you look up the song "It's Not Over Yet" by For King and Country. One day I was in my car driving telling myself I was done with the world. That I didn't want to be here anymore. I just kept saying out loud, "I am done!" Then, this song was playing on the radio, and I wasn't listening to it, but then I started to, and the first thing I heard was,"To everyone who thinks they're finished, it's not over yet. Keep on fighting." I had to pull over on the side of the road because I starting crying. I knew that was God telling me I was finished yet. To stay strong. Just like my friend likes to tell me sometimes, "Stay strong silly"
You got this. I know you do. When you feel weak listen to this song. It is what I do all the time. Find yourself a support group. Find someone who you feel comfortable calling late at night when you need to talk to them. It will help. You got this. Don't let the little monster on your shoulder ruin your life.
Have a great day and don't forget to smile!!