I am one of those types of people who will put the blame on myself if something goes wrong because I don't want someone to get in trouble. There are times where the blame gets put onto me when it wasn't entirely my fault. I have an attitude sometimes (what teen doesn't), and there are times that I get upset with my family (again what teen doesn't), and if my dad gets upset my mom will blame me for my dad being upset. If everyone in my family is upset I get blamed for it. I have been told numerous times that the reason why no one is happy in my family is because of me.
I have done some things in my life, and whenever I would do them (for example watch pornography) something bad always would happen soon after. For example, my mom would come home mad and would be yelling at everyone, or my parents would fight to the point my dad almost walked out on my mom. Once my mom left after a fight and stayed at a friends house for a couple days. Every time something like that would happen I would blame myself. I would tell myself that this is punishment, that God is punishing me for what I have done.
Whenever my friends don't text me back or answer my calls, or don't talk to me for a while I would think that they don't want to be my friends anymore. That I did something. I would begin to blame myself when it wasn't my fault. I would later on learn that they didn't talk to me because they were busy or were going through something at the time. When me and a friend started drifting apart I blamed myself for her not talking to me anymore. I later realized that me and her were never really compatible as friends, and it was a relationship that I held on to because I didn't have anyone else at the time.
Anytime there is something bad that happens in my life I blame myself. I always find some reason. That is how I came to the conclusion that the world would be better off without me. That I am the reason for why a lot of bad things happen. Why everyone in my family is upset or mad is because I made them that way. That is why I didn't want to exists anymore so, people could be happy again and I wouldn't be a burden.
Now, I am working on realizing that it isn't my fault. That things happen for a reason. People choice whether they want to be upset or not; that it isn't my fault. That people get busy and forget to text back. That the world would be sad without me here. That I am important. That I am special. That God put me on this Earth for a reason. I don't know exactly what yet, but I will find out soon.
For those of you who blame yourself for things realize that you are not blaming yourself; that it is the devil. The devil likes to tell you that you are the reason for bad things happening because you are doing something great for God, and the devil doesn't like that. He wants to bring you down, make you feel bad about yourself so you won't reach your full potential. Just realize that if the devil is talking to you, bringing you down, telling you that you are not important, that you are worthless, you are nothing special; just know that it is most likely because you are doing something great for God.
Stay strong in those moments that you feel weak. Turn to God for guidance. Read His word. Pray to Him and let Him know. He wants you to turn to Him when you feel weak. He loves you and cares for you. He doesn't want you to think that you are the reason for something bad happening in your life. That it is your fault that your parents are fighting, that your world seems to be turning upside down. He wants you to know that; you are important, you are loved beyond measure, you are His child, you have nothing to fear, you are special, and you will do great things. Just stay strong.
Have a great day, and don't forget to smile.