...Or so I thought.
Recently, I have been struggling with this problem. It started about a month ago. I took the sharp end of a protractor, and I started to scratch so that there were marks on my skin. I would wake up in the morning and, they would be gone. But, the other day I had a whole mental break down. I got in a fight with my parents, and I had extreme feelings of loneliness, anger, lack of self confidence. I was a mess. I had all these things going through my head, I had a lot of sociological pain. It hurt too much.
I was in my room. All these thoughts going through my head. I saw it, sitting on my desk; the same protractor I had used to scratch the skin on my wrist. I picked it up, and every thought I had about myself, "You are so stupid," "You are ugly," "No one cares about you," "Everyone hates you!" Every time something like that came into my mind was a slash across my wrist. This time it wasn't just a scratch that left a little mark. There was some blood. I eventually had to stop because, my skin hurt too much. I woke up the next morning. This time those marks weren't gone, they were still there. Days later, I still have the scars on my skin.
I never thought of myself as one of those people that would actually do it. I never understood why someone would do it. Now I do. I regret it. Today (8/31/14) I made a huge decision. I have let struggles overcome my life so much because, I am to ashamed to admit them to anybody. Today, I had youth at my church. I went to one of the youth leaders, who I trust very much, and I showed her the marks on my skin. Showing this person my scars I feel will help.
If you are struggling with this, please don't feel that you are alone. I know that this is something very easy to hide on the back of your wrist. Then, covering it up with a jacket sleeve or a bunch of bracelets. I want you to understand, if helps just showing someone the scars. Find one person that you trust, and show them. Don't feel like you have to hide it. Hiding, only needs to a bigger problem that won't be easy to hide. I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with that made you feel like you have to had to start harming yourself.
Remember this: You are loved. You are beautiful. You are a child of God the creator of the universe, nothing is too big for him to deal with. If you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me at [email protected].
Have a great day and don't forget to SMILE!!